Parent/Teacher Conference

I met with Trin's teacher yesterday and realized an entirely new kind of hurdle.
When I first realized something was different with Triniti, I had no idea how I was going to survive being her mom. I didn't know what to do, I didn't know how to handle her. It was so frustrating for me as a mother to feel helpless.
I felt like I was the pilot of an airplane and it was spinning out of control and I had no idea how to right the course.
Luckily for me, I pushed hard and got a diagnosis and that felt like reaching out and grabbing the steering of the plane and as I read more and learned more I was able to gain control of the plane and have, for several months now, been in control of the plane. Sometimes there is turbulance but ususally we fly smoothly.
So when someone tells me that Trin is "fine", I have a tendency to get defensive.
They don't realize the amount of time and effort went into this "plane" flying smoothly nor do they realize the every day work that goes into it.
So when her therapist says that her AS is very "light" or her teacher says she doesn't see the need for additional modifications, it straight pisses me off. Because it feels like they are sitting inside the plane cruising along and I am in the front flying it.
I explained this to Trin's teacher last week and advised her to talk to Trin's teacher from last year and ask her about the hell we went through last year. I think she is starting to understand a little bit better the work that has went into and continues to go into keeping Trin on the right path.
It's just frustrating being alone in all of this.
Very frustrating.

Am I helping or hindering?

In the last few weeks it has become fairly evident that Trin would be perfectly happy to stay home. All the time. She has found a place where she is happy, safe, comfortable - you know, all the good stuff. There isn't anything at home that causes her anxiety. And every day she pushes a little harder to not have to leave the house. She doesn't want to go to school. She doesn't want to go to daycare. She doesn't want to go to the store. She is perfectly happy to stay home indefinitely.
And I want so very badly to let her. I want to quit my job and stay home with this amazing girl all day and see the happy and safe girl. The girl who has made amazing progress over the last year. The girl who barely exhibits AS signs any more. I want to hang out with her because she is awesome. And I want to help keep this girl at the forefront and say goodbye to the girl with tummy aches and heart aches and fear. I don't want to ever hear again about how she was picked on or how school "takes so long" or how her friends were mean to her. I want that little girl to never come out again because she breaks my heart whenever I see her.
Yet it is the opposite.
Instead of holing up in our house and me keeping her safe from the world and all of the world's stupid meanness, I have to stick her right out into it and teach her to cope.
And that sucks.